I have made it no secret that I was a tween and a teen during that magical musical time known as the eighties. Back in my day, we had fabulous magazines like Teen Beat and Tiger Beat and Bop!. The sole purpose of these fine periodicals was to deliver glossy photos of hot young movie stars, hot young TV stars, and hot young musicians. The teenage girls into whose hands these hot young photos were delivered would immediately cut those images out and tack them to their walls. I was one of those girls. It seemed to be a required step in the puberty process.

I’m sure, if you’ve ever read this blog before, you can guess who was on my wall: Duran Duran, the cast of The Outsiders, more Duran Duran. But also Adam Ant, The Pet Shop Boys, and this funny British guy with crooked teeth.

Yes, that is David Bowie. Why is he holding a cat? Who knows? I didn't care. Keep in mind that I was still a tween. I loved my British pop stars, but I also loved kitties. I might have had this photo framed.

I’d love to tell you that I admired Bowie because of his voice: so instantly recognizable, yet ever-changing; or his expansive talents—actor, artist, space alien. But I was a young, hormonal girl. Here’s what I loved: his hair, his eyes, and his teeth. He was hot.

His hair, because it always looked perfectly spikily coiffed, something that (despite my best efforts with Dep gel and Aqua Net) I could never achieve. His eyes, because they were not only two different colors, but one pupil was permanently dilated, and thus endlessly fascinating. And his teeth, because they weren’t perfect. (I had never been self-conscious about my teeth until a dentist suggested I have my front uppers and lowers capped to straighten them out. I didn’t do it—up until that very moment, I had never given their crookedness a second thought—but now I am painfully aware of my jack-’o-lantern smile.) Famous people with imperfect teeth hold a special place in my heart (Ethan Hawke, I salute you). If they don’t care about their haphazard grins, why should I?

My point is, as a teenager, I thought David Bowie was handsome and sexy and enigmatic. 

Eventually, I got through puberty and grew up. And happily, as an adult, I found David Bowie to be brilliant and crazy and bizarre and beautiful.

David Bowie was always part of the backdrop as I aged. While I was agonizing over pimples and bad dates and bad marriages and a mortgage, he was singing and acting and reinventing himself over, and over, and over. And in every interview, every video, every movie he popped up in, I thought Hey, there’s my old friend, David Bowie! I love that guy! And once: Hey, what the—did he fix his teeth? How could he?

Waking up Monday morning to the news that David Bowie had left the proverbial building was saddening in a way I wasn’t prepared for. My old friend was gone. His absence was immediate and huge.

Except . . . it isn’t. I have a lot of Bowie on my iPhone, and played his music all week while driving or at my desk. I put on Basquiat Monday night and watched him play one of my other favorite artists, Andy Warhol. Social media and the online sites have been posting tributes all week to this amazing man. And even scrolling through some of my old blog posts, I found references to Bowie that I’d forgotten—my love of his duet with Bing Crosby, only because it’s David Bowie. My love of Labyrinth, even though, let’s be honest, it’s not the best movie in the world. References to “Space Oddity” and “Changes” occasionally made because I’d assumed everybody knew these songs and would get the reference.

I have one coworker that is as deep in mourning as I am over the loss of Ziggy Stardust. We started talking about how absolutely brilliant he was to release Blackstar so close to his death. His swan song has skyrocketed in sales this week, and there has been endless speculation and interpretation around the lyrics and videos he left us with.

“Typical Bowie,” my coworker said. “Leaving us all guessing and wanting more.”

This is true. Typical Bowie—in that he never did the typical or expected.

I’ll miss you, old friend. 

I’m off to put on my red shoes and dance the blues.    
__
This week from The Storyside:
Fabulous free fiction: "That Sounds Familiar" by Stacey Longo (hey, that's me!)
An overview of how to get your book written and published: "From Idea to Printed Page, Part 1" by Ursula Wong

I've met a lot of famous people over the years, for which I'm thankful. These encounters don't always go as planned. Here are some real-life encounters I've had, how I'd hoped they would go, and how they really went.

Christopher Walken
I had the opportunity about 10 years ago to deliver a Fedex package to Christopher Walken. Here's how I imagined it would go:
Me: Mr. Walken, it's an honor to meet you. I know you're more famous for movies like The Deer Hunter, but I have to say your comedic timing is spot-on. I thought you were brilliant on the Saturday Night Live 25th anniversary special.
Christopher Walken: You're brilliant. Let's have dinner.

That's not exactly how it went in real life. Here's what happened when I pulled into his driveway:
Christopher Walken: Who are you? You're not the regular FedEx driver. I'm calling the cops.
Me: No, wait! The Fedex guy got a flat tire and I'm his wife. Here! (Thrusts package into his chest, causing him to fall backwards.)
Christopher Walken: Thanks, I guess. Go away now.
Me (beaming like an idiot): No, thank you! (Runs for the car to call sister and brag about meeting Christopher Walken.)

Tom Brady
The famous Patriots quarterback once vacationed on Block Island. Here's how I thought it would go:
Me: Hey, I know you. Did we go to high school together or something?
Tom Brady: You mean you have no idea who I am? How refreshing! Let me dump my supermodel girlfriend and we'll have dinner.

The reality was a little different. First of all, I watched this jerk refuse to sign an autograph for an 8-year-old because he was on vacation and "didn't want to draw attention" to himself. Then he proceeded to take off his shirt and toss a football with his supermodel girlfriend right in the center of New Harbor. So here's how our meeting went:
Tom Brady (flexing and posing shirtless): Please, I just want to enjoy my vacation. (Spikes a football at the edge of Payne's Dock.)
Me (driving by in a pickup truck with unidentifiable plates): You throw like a girl!

Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran
This was the man of my dreams for many, many years. When my sister won backstage passes to meet Duran Duran in 2007, it was the highlight of my life. Here's how I imagined it would go:
Me: Nick! Can you please pose for a picture with me?
Nick Rhodes: Of course I can.
Me: This is so exciting. You don't understand. I was going to be the mother of your children.
Nick Rhodes: Yes, I can see you're clearly the woman of my dreams. Screw dinner; let's get married.

Here's what actually happened:
Me: Nick! Can you please pose for a picture with me?
Nick Rhodes: Of course I can.
Me: This is so exciting. You don't understand. I was going to be the mother of your children.
Nick Rhodes: Security!

So you see, you can plan and plan for your famous celebrity interaction, but you really never know how it will go. This weekend, I'll be at Rhode Island Comicon, where my teenage crush, C. Thomas "Tommy" Howell will also be. Will I be running off to Hollywood with Ponyboy? Probably not. But a girl can dream, can't she?

The internet exploded yesterday with incredible news that had everyone talking. Was it the use of chemical weapons in Syria that had everyone angered? Or perhaps people were concerned about the wildfire currently burning out of control at Yosemite National Park? Heck, no. It seems that people are stunned and outraged at the news that Ben Affleck has been cast as Batman in the next Superman movie. Honestly, people. Your priorities are terrible.
"But look at Daredevil!" You cry. "It was awful!" Sure it was a stinker, but is this Affleck's fault? Aren't there a few other people to blame for this? I personally think the script writer, director, producer, Jennifer Garner, and the key grip might share some of that blame. (But not Michael Clarke Duncan. He is never to blame, because he was wonderful.) Blaming Ben Affleck for Daredevil is like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger. Neither one of them is really running the show. Know what movie I really like? Dazed and Confused. Ben was in that, too. But everyone knows that Affleck is not the reason why that movie was so wonderful. That's just ridiculous.  Matthew McConaughey is the reason why that movie was awesome.
Think that the personal betrayal you are feeling over the casting of Batman is something new? Let me take you back in time. The year was 1995. Michael Keaton, the Batman of all Batmans, had dropped out of Batman Forever. The world was in chaos. Jerry Garcia dropped dead over it. (What? Do you actually know that this isn't what killed him? What else could it possibly have been?) The powers that be chose someone different (gasp) for the role. That's right. Val Kilmer would now don the cape and bat ears.
You want to talk about outrage? Anger? The end of the world as we know it? The masses were furious. Val Kilmer? The Iceman? The guy who won a Chicago Film Critics Association Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Jim Morrison in The Doors? Who was this hack?
Well, you can imagine what happened. The movie came out, made a ton of money, and nobody cared that Batman was now Val Kilmer. That's right: nobody cared. They were too distracted by the nipples on the Batman costume to really criticize Kilmer's performance.
So there you go. History has a way of repeating itself, and here we are again, struggling to come to grips with a new face behind the Bat Mask. Sure, a mass grave with bodies of adolescent children was just discovered near Mexico, but is that really important? Apparently not. Our priority now is to discuss what, exactly, Batman's costume is going to look like in Batman vs. Superman. Because that's what really matters.

What do writers do when they're struggling with blog ideas for the week? They create lists, of course. This week: the ten sexiest actors ever, according to me.

10. Brad Pitt
Am I shallow? Sure. He's pretty to look at. He comes in at #10, however, and not higher, because I don't like how he treated his ex-wife. But, I repeat, he sure is pretty to look at. How's his acting? Who knows? I've never paid much attention.

9. Chris Hemsworth
You'll sense a pattern here. Namely, the "sure is pretty to look at" pattern. I actually had to look this guy's name up for this list. Ironically, I don't find him that sexy when he's not in a skirt, dressed up as Thor. And the long hair--I totally dig the long hair. Which is ironic, because three of the guys on this list have no hair. But I digress. Thor: sexy as heck.

8. Gary Cooper
Finally! A sexy actor who could actually act! But why is he only at #8? Because Coop, for all of his fabulousness, did not treat his wife very well either. He cheated on her all the time. So while I'll always love you, Mr. Deeds, I can't condone that kind of behavior.

7. Vin Diesel
This man is hot. Sooo hot. Plus, he can kick Brad Pitt's butt. Sure, you're thinking, but I'm pretty sure that guy in the Thor skirt could act circles around Vin Diesel, and that's not saying much. Who cares? Vin Diesel could snap that guy in half! The list says sexy, people, not talented. Go on. I'll give you a moment to admire his picture a little more.

6. Dwayne Johnson
Sexy, and I would argue that he's not a bad actor, either. Sure, he's no Ian McKellen on the screen (brilliant, but not that sexy) but he's kind of funny. Also, if you ever watch an interview with him, he's got a fun and likable personality. Two yums up.

5. Michelle Rodriguez
I find Michelle Rodriguez to be one of the sexiest and kick-a** woman to ever grace the silver screen. I can't get enough of this woman. My biggest problem is that she's usually killed off in every movie she appears in (though not Machete, which is why I'll be seeing the sequel on opening night). Can she act? Why are you people so hung up on that one minor detail?
Interesting side note: One of my all-time favorite movies is Fast & Furious 6, which should surprise nobody considering this and the previous two entries on this list.

4.  Sam Elliott
I'm not talking about Sam Elliott circa 2013. He's three years older than my dad, and that's just icky. I'm talking about Sam Elliott circa Frogs. The older I get, the more I like Sam Elliott circa Tombstone, too. He's a cowboy. Cowboys are sexy. Plus, he's usually one of the good guys. And he's got that gravelly voice. Good guy cowboys with gravelly voices are HOT.

3. Yul Brynner
Yul Brynner was incredibly sexy. I'm not talking about Yul Brynner in his later years, when he was croaking out anti-smoking commercials. That Yul Brynner was gross. I'm talking about Yul as the smoldering Rameses in The Ten Commandments. Honestly, I don't blame him for resenting Moses so much. After all, Rameses was the handsome, royal heir to the Egyptian throne, yet Moses got all the glory and the chicks. Doesn't seem fair to me. 

2. Denzel Washington
He's a fabulous actor, a genuinely decent human being, and beautiful to look at. Anyone who dares to disagree with those statements deserves to spend an eternity in hell, watching Vin Diesel movies. Denzel Washington is practically perfect in every way. Sexy, sexy, sexy!

1. Marlon Brando
Look. At. This. Man.
Marlon Brando was so sexy that other, lesser actors were able to make a decent living imitating him even though they couldn't act (I'm looking at you, James Dean). He was sensitive, brooding, and brilliant. As Stanley Kowalski, Terry Malloy, or Don Vito Corleone, he was fascinating and seductive. (Maybe not so much seductive as Don Vito. But still enthralling.)
Sure, he got a little obese and bizarre as he got older, but he still managed to captivate his audience (remember The Freshman? Or The Island of Dr. Moreau? Fabulous! And weird.) Marlon Brando is still my favorite actor of all time, no matter how many men in Thor skirts you throw at me. He was an acting genius. And gorgeous.

So there you have it. My ten sexiest actors of all time. Disagree with me if you like; I don't care. I filled a whole blog post, and got to talk about Brando and Brynner, so I'm happy. See you next week!